Wednesday, December 18, 2013

I Know I Drive You Crazy, But Would You Rather That I Be A Machine?

I find it the most hard to not think about "him" when I am driving home from work late at night. There is barely any cars on the road, no noise. Life has finally slowed down. My brain is not distracted by all the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. Life is hard.

I was just giving advice to a close friend yesterday about her relationship issues. I always wonder why my friends come to me- like when have I ever had a somewhat successful relationship? Oh NEVER. I guess they trust me and think I have good judgement, OR they just want someone to listen to them, and I never turn them down to complain to me. I get that. I am like that too. I wish I talked more about it. Most people would say I am a pretty open and honest person, but not to myself. And not about a lot of things. I tend to keep things really bothering me to myself. 

I am so exhausted. I am working 35+ hours this week and I have yet to start a paper that I got an extension on that is technically due on Friday at midnight. I would be okay if I did not work 6.5 hours today and have to be out of town ALL day tomorrow... and then I work Friday morning as well. I am just so tired not only physically, but mentally. I am looking forward to Christmas being over. My favorite part about the Christmas season is the snow and seeing my family and I will still be in town after Wednesday, AND there will also still be snow on the ground. I do not really care about the presents this year, I just want a break from school. I cannot wait until I am done in May. It cannot come soon enough. I am VERY excited to start my internship, but the whole process of applying IS quite overwhelming I have to admit. 

Growing up is hard. I understand Peter Pan now as I am older. I find it so weird how when I was younger I wanted nothing more than to grow up and now that I am legally a "grown up" I would do anything to go back to being 5 years old again. There are probably many things I would do differently. I would have tried harder in high school and in college to get better grades. I would make different relationship choices, not only in guys I chose but also friendships I chose to spend time on.

Well I have to leave for work in half an hour, but I figured it would be best if I update this as much as possible.



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